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Monday, September 3, 2012

Serious Rant Coming...

If you don't want to listen to my rant, bitch, complain, cry, whine, etc then stop reading right now.

I have a lot to say and its all about to come out in a bunch of word vomit, it may hurt some feelings but i'm at the point where I don't really care anymore.

WHY DO PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN ALWAYS END UP PREGNANT? And those of us who would literally DIE to have a child can't get pregnant. It's not fair, and I know most of you are thinking well yea life's not fair, but come on, it really isn't fair!!! And most of these people are single parents, nothing against that, I've been one of those before, but we are a loving , married couple that want nothing more than to have a child of our own!! If you don't want to get pregnant than take the proper methods to not get that way, it only takes ONE time and that has been proven over and over and over again!

Most of you will say, you have Makenzie, you have a child, be thankful for that. Yes I Have a child, what you need to understand is that my husband does not have a child of his own. As much as he loves Makenzie and treats her as his own and as much as she loves him and treats him like he is her dad when she is with us, she does not call him dad, and he has no one that calls him that.

Most of you don't know and will never know what it feels like to wake up everyday and see the hurt and pain in your husband's eyes because he wants nothing more than to have a child of his own. Most of you know or will ever know what it feels like to feel like a failure for not being able to give your husband, the one person you love most in the world (besides my child) the one thing he longs for the most.

Before you all go assuming it has something to do with Anthony, it's more than likely not him.

Most of you do not know this, but we had a miscarriage last December right before Christmas.  It was very early in the pregnancy that is why we didn't discuss it with hardly anyone. It wasn't anyone's business as far as we were concerned. But now the world knows!!

More than likely the problem is me not ovulating and my menstrual cycles being out of whack. I am trying to take natural supplements to help with that before I go to the doctor and get prescribed countless medications to help! I'm also trying to lose a little weight in hopes that that will help as well.

We have been at this for 17 months and counting and it is starting to wear both of us out. You all say stop trying and it will happen, well when it's been that long it doesn't seem like it will ever happen!! SO QUIT TELLING US TO STOP TRYING IT'S GETTING OLD!!! 

ALSO, QUIT ASKING WHEN WE WILL HAVE ANOTHER OR TELLING US THAT THE TIME IS RIGHT WE BETTER DO IT NOW!!! NO SHIT! WE KNOW, GET OFF OUR BACKS!

The only reason i'm writing this is because in the last 30 days I have found out that 5-6 people I know are expecting and everywhere I look there is somebody else pregnant! I can't stand it anymore, I can't take the pain. There are many nights I cry myself to sleep wondering what is wrong with me. I wake up everyday and hate to look at my husband to see the pain in his eyes. I wake up wondering why me, and I ask God everyday why and to please let us conceive soon.

I think that is all I have to say right now. If you read this thanks for sticking through it!